|I got in a car accident...
||[May. 14th, 2006|12:35 am]
I know I haven't been on lately...I have been busy with work.
On my way to work today, I was really emotional because of other events and was distraced while driving. This led to me realizing there was a car stopped in front of me so I slamed on my brakes and tried to swerve to the right to miss it, but I didn't. Her car was barely dented, however, my car was no so lucky. It is totally thrashed. The airbag deployed and hit me. I instinctively threw up my hands to block my face, I guess. So instead of my head hitting the airbag hard, it was my arms. It left red blotches all down the inside of my arms. It went away, though. At first, she was acting fine, until people came, then she started acting like she was hurt. So they took her away in an ambulance. They were asking me if I wanted to go, almost insisting...but I didn't want to cost any more money than what I already am.
So, unfortunately, I am out of a car. Which really sucks because I have summer school froom monday to thursday for 6 weeks. So that means my mom and Ben will be taking turns taking me. I feel so bad that other people are going to be driving me around. I hate being a burden on people. My parents said that if I come up with 1,000 dollars, then they will match it and we can find a new car for me. That will take a while, though. Hopefully I will be getting good hours at work.
I guess I bruised my thumb and my arm. Darn airbag, yet so good.
We were looking at Nichole's old car, but it doesn't have airbags and my parents don't want to take those chances, and neither do I.
My neck is starting to hurt...I don't know if it is from work or the accident.
I am sooo mad at myself for messing up like this! I hate myself so much. I always mess up somehow and this time it is really big. It doesn't seem real at all. I half expect myself to wake up and it were only just a bad dream...I wish that were the truth. I feel so bad that I caused someone else problems in their life. I feel so bad that I caused such a big scene...they had to block off that section of the road. I feel like everyone is blaming me...because, well, it was my fault. I never thought I would be stupid enough to get myself into a car accident.
It all happened so quickly. I was shaking so hard. I was so mad and scared. I didn't want my dad to freak out and be really angry with me. Because now I am going to be causing them financial trouble. They have to deal with driving me around all the time. I really don't know if this is going to work out or not.
Why did I have to do this? Why did God let this happnen? Why did today have to turn out so bad. I don't want this to happen to me. I want everything to run normal.
And now my brother is gone...he has moved out. So I am left with my parents and later my grandma. What if they are getting more stressed and they will soon be taking their anger out on me.
I want to fastforward though time so that I can finally get my car and live normally instead of being a burden and a hassle on everyone else.
I probably won't be able to focus on finals very well.
I was still shaking when I went into work. I can see any little thing going wrong and me just freaking out.
Why did I have to mess up so much? I hate myself.